for a while, i've been looking for a way to write about my own life here, without being boring and without revealing how self-obsessed and overly introspective i am. traditional diaries are monotonous, and rely heavily on interesting things actually happening, i wanted to do something that would let me write about my experiences in a different way. then i had an idea.
often, too often perhaps, i'll stand-back and reflect on my daily actions and behaviour. sometimes i'll conclude that i've done well in a particular day, been productive and an all round nice guy. but regrettably, most of the time i realise i've done fuck-all with my day and been a royal dick head, especially recently.
i'm a firm believer in karma. just the general principal, none of the religious stuff. i believe that the best way to live is to try and be kind to those around you, affect their life in a positive way, and hopefully, some divine presence will see that you're rewarded positively yourself. i don't believe in any higher being in particular, just that something, some power maybe is judging us. and primarilly i believe that even if there isn't any higher power, it's a good way to live regardless.
when i try to weigh up my own karma, when i'm being that overly introspective way, lying in bed, or pretending to study, i find it hard to remember the days and weeks before, it's impossible to give myself an imaginary score in the grand scheme of things. so i propose this. i'll create an imaginary meter, that tracks my own "karma", if i do something "bad", insult or belittle someone, or waste a lot of time, i'll mark myself down accordingly. if i engage in a random act of kindness, or influence someone else to do so, i'll put my hypothetical marker up a few notches.
cunt ------------------------------ christ
so for now, let's imagine i'm right bang in the middle of that meter, i'll try and get a better visual representation for next time, for now it'll do.
so from now on, arbitrarilly, maybe weekly, maybe whenever i do something remarkably interesting, the meter will be adjusted and i'll post my thoughts. it'll be like an ending to a scrubs episode, with my musings replacing JD's monologue, where i'll retrospectively reflect on the lessons learned, what i did right, and how maybe i could have done better.
it does sound a little dumb, but reserve judgement until it starts getting going, and i start judging myself. it'll be a good way for me to vent and get any thoughts i have out there, while revealing how self obsessed i really am, and in a pretentiously exestential way.
until the ball starts rolling, stay safe!
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